Three questions to change your life. Part two.

So after reading yesterday’s post about figuring out exactly what you want, and setting your goals in clear, specific and certain terms, you want to know what the next question is. Right on. But buckle yourself in, because it’s a tough one:

What are you willing to do to get what you want?

Let me ask this one in a bunch of different ways: What are you willing to sacrifice? How hard are you willing to work? What are you willing to commit to in order to make your goals a reality?

And there’s the rub, peeps. This is it. The sticking point. Where the rubber meets the road. Where the shit hits the fan. Where the chicken meets the egg. Or whatever.

Despite the mixed metaphors, you get my point: this is the place where most people fall down, and here’s why: yesterday, it might have taken you a little while to really dig deep inside and figure out exactly what you want, but then all you had to do was write it down or say it out loud.


Today, today…I’m telling you that you need to determine–honestly–what you need to do to get it, and to admit to yourself–honestly–if you’re willing to take the needed actions.

Notice I didn’t say “able” to take the needed actions; I said “willing.” This is not a question of “Can I do it?” It’s a question of “Will I do it?” (Because I know you can do it.)

Frankly, this is the point where most people piss me off, usually by saying stuff that annoys the crap out of me. Like this:

  • Where do you find the time to do all those workouts?
  • Oh, I could never do the kinds of things you do.
  • I’m not sure I could stick to clean eating; I love chocolate/cupcakes/pizza/whatever too much

Wait. Let me be more precise. It’s not people saying these things that pisses me off; it’s when they combine them with phrases like, “I wish I could do what you do. I wish I could lose weight. I just can’t because…(insert 50 lameass excuses here.)”

My answer to those people? “It’s not that you can’t, it’s just that you haven’t decided you WANT to.”

I mean, really. Do these people think I have more hours in the day than them? Some special gift that makes this shit easier for me? HELLOOO!! I’m just an average person, working my ass off to reach my goals, and it is HARD.

I legit find it insulting when people say this kind of crap, like I am somehow privileged or lucky to be reaching my goals. Nope, sorry. It’s hard work and dedication (bordering on obsession, yes. I acknowledge that. But that’s what I need to do to get there.)

Don’t get me wrong…I’m not saying everyone should have the same exact goals as me, fitness or otherwise, because we each have our own path to follow.  Hopefully you’ve defined that for yourself a bit better by figuring out what you want.

But don’t SAY you want something, and then give a bunch of reasons why you can’t get it. If that’s what’s happening, YOU DON’T WANT IT BAD ENOUGH! (Yes, I yelled at you. But you needed it, and I did it out of love. Now go take it off your list of things you want, or stop making excuses and DO IT.)

If you want it bad enough, there’s nothing you won’t do to get it. No sacrifice you won’t make, no challenge you won’t overcome. You’ll have to make hard choices and do hard work. I know you are able; are you willing?

hard work

So let’s talk sacrifices and hard work in terms of my personal goals. Here’s what I, personally, have committed to:

  • 5 or 6 seriously tough workouts a week, usually at 5:30 or 6am
  • clean eating, 90% of the time
  • a monthly financial investment in my health
  • continuing at a job I like a lot, but don’t love…and putting in extra hours on my own to work towards my bigger career goals (perfect example: I’m typing this on my lunch break!)

What am I sacrificing? A lot.

  • my warm, snuggly bed at 4:45am (this is a muuuuuuch bigger sacrifice in the winter months!)
  • endless slices of cake/pizza, cookies, cheeseburgers, and other delicious foods I love on a regular basis (in fact, at a recent birthday party, I had to turn down a slice of a-mah-zing looking cake THREE TIMES!)
  • a new car to replace my nearly 10 year old banged up old Jetta–which does not have a radio, and is generally embarrassing to drive–because it gets me from A to B at this point and to afford the new car, I’d have to cut back on my fitness costs (right now, NOT an option)
  • family time on Saturday mornings and Sunday evenings

There’s definitely more to this list; these are just what immediately come to mind.

The list above also represents things I want, but I have judged that something else is more important. What is  most important to you? How will you prioritize your fitness goals with your career goals and your family goals, etc. etc.? The answers to those questions make up YOUR journey, not mine, and you get to decide.

But do decide; don’t just slop around like a lazy ass and “wish” that you could make your life better. DECIDE, and DO.

Here’s an example: Imagine you came up to me right now and said, “Hey, Nash, I freakin’ LOVE cake. I am going to eat it every day because this is my life and I choose to live it with cake. If that means I am going to have a muffin top/fat ass/thunder thighs/floppy back-of-arm jiggle for the rest of my life, SO BE IT. I will have CAKE, and it is worth it!”

chocolate cake

Come to me, my delicious friend. (No, I definitely did NOT just lick the screen. Shut up.)

That would be hilarious, but then you know what? I would high-five you and be like, “Word. Way to own your choices! Have some cake for me, and make sure you cross ‘rock-hard abs’ off of your list of goals and replace it with ‘eat cake daily.’ And rock on!”

As amazing as cake is, as much as I want a piece like RIGHT NOW, I can’t let anything take my focus away from my current top priority goal.

Oh look, a little quote image that sums up my meaning. You know how much I love those!

what you want most

(I really want a new car NOW. Sigh.)

Okay, that’s it. You know what you need to do. Work it out: review those goals, and figure out what lengths you are willing to go to so you can achieve each of them. Maybe some of them invite a more cautious, long-term approach, and others are so important that you need to jump on them with every fiber of your being (we’ll talk about that another day).

But today, YOU get to decide. So do it, and get to work.


I’m Avenged…Barely.

This is a quick hit and run post, but I had to share this struggle of a morning. The workout was the Avenger…40 second intervals with alternating strength and cardio. We like to call it “super hero training”!

Usually, I love this workout; it’s fun and challenging. Today, it was challenging and miserable and I barely made it through. It was frustrating and I was so angry about it. What the hell? How can I be struggling this much when I’m working so hard, especially coming off a rest day? Even the stations that I typically hit like a rock star posed a serious challenge.

But I gave what I had and then, afterward, I came across this message:


So, in the spirit of my new outlook to focus on the positive, here are some good things I am taking away from my workout struggle this morning:

  • I dragged my sorry ass out of bed at 4:42am and actually WENT to this workout
  • I did both 40 second rounds of power jacks without stopping
  • I hefted two 35# dumbbells during split jerk intervals (not gonna lie…those bitches were HEAVY!!!)
  • I (mostly) kept up with my very fast and agile partner during the ladder runs

These are all things I couldn’t do a month or so ago (well, except for the first one). And I did them today.

I wonder what I’ll be able to do by next month?

Christa Doran: Mom, Entrepreneur, Athlete, Trainer, BADASS.

christa doran reason for your challenges

I don’t think I’ll ever forget the first time I saw Christa. To set the appropriate context, you should know that it was May 2010, and I was over 250 lbs –at my heaviest and my unhappiest, knowing I had to make changes but having no idea where to start or how to find something I could stick with. After hearing about Tuff Girl Fitness “boot camps” from a friend who was already taking them, I had set up my first complimentary class. I drove to East Rock Park, where classes used to be held in the old days, and sat in my car for over 10 minutes trying to work up the courage to get out. I was terrified.

When I finally did start making my way to the class, I immediately picked Christa out. She was wearing a sweet pair of Top Gun-ish aviator sunglasses, and I was totally intimidated, not gonna lie. But as soon as she saw me, her face opened up into a huge warm smile, and she came right over to me. “You must be Stephanie! I’m Christa. I’m so glad you’re here!” While I can’t say this welcome put me completely at ease (since I was still crapping myself about the workout) it lessened my anxiety and reassured me I was in the right place.

I feel like this first meeting perfectly demonstrates who Christa is. She can seem intimidating–she is, after all, a determined, driven, totally kickass strong woman who will stop at nothing to achieve her goals–but she is also a warm, compassionate person and a fierce advocate for and supporter of the women she trains. It is my privilege to share her badass story with you.

About Christa

Christa is a dedicated mom to two adorable girls: Liv, 3 years, and Lea, 14 months. She and her husband Mike are co-owners of Bodyology Fitness Studio in Hamden, CT. Bodyology is the home of Tuff Girl Fitness (Christa’s original classes for women only) and Bodyology Co-Ed Group Performance Training. Although she has always been fit and committed to living healthfully, Christa recently undertook a no-excuses journey to earn her best body and has reached a level of fitness awesomeness that most women would call “impossible.” But that’s Christa for you–tell her it’s impossible and she’ll work her ass off to prove you wrong.

What Makes Her a Badass

This is sort of ridiculous when it comes to Christa, because everything about her screams “badass.” She pretty much defines the term as I perceive it. In fact, so overwhelming is her badassery that I have to split it up into several different categories.

Badass Athlete

Christa credits much of her determination to her high school basketball coach. He was the first person who really pushed her beyond her limits, who broke her down and then built her back up again. Ever since then, she’s been through many different levels of fitness, pushing herself to get faster, get stronger. She was an avid runner in her 20’s, often running 6+ miles almost daily.

While she was always “fit,” Christa wasn’t getting the results she wanted. Over the years, she refined her training, gradually moving away from running and into High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) and lifting progressively heavier weights. She got real with herself about her food and eating habits, and committed to eating clean and cutting the crap. Over the 2+ years that I’ve known and trained with her, she’s continued to tweak her eating habits to best fuel her body, build serious muscle, and lean up.

Have a look at this progression, and notice that in none of these photos would you say Christa was heavy or out of shape, but DAMN! You can definitely see the amazing results in physique that come from dedication to clean eating and training hard:

before photo

fitness photos

And here’s what Christa looks like now, after a year of focused dedication to hard work and clean eating, 95% of the time:

fitness photos back

fitness photos shoulders

I know exactly what you’re thinking, and “Holy Shit!” about sums it up. Christa set a goal, worked her ass off, and crushed it.

Badass Mom

Some idiot doctor told Christa she would never be tough enough to have an unmedicated vaginal delivery. (Pause for laughter. Seriously. What a moron.) As with all her other goals and decisions, Christa knew what she wanted to do, and opposition that she faced only strengthened her resolve.

She gave birth to her daughter Liv in January of 2009, an unmedicated water birth. Just over two years later, little Lea was born the same way:

unmedicated water birth

If you can look at this picture and not shed a tear or at least catch your breath, check your pulse. You might be dead. Or maybe you’re a Vulcan. Seriously.

After Lea was born, Christa set out to prove that having a baby (or two) doesn’t mean a woman has lost her ability to have an amazing body and, most especially, cut up abs. And as much as I love words, I’m going to let these photos speak for themselves:

post-pregnancy abs

post-pregnancy abs

post-pregnancy abs

And, the finished product:

Beyond her dedication to being a role model of healthy, fit living for her 2 daughters, Christa has just about perfected the art of the work/family balance. She created the life and livelihood she dreamed of so she could be be there for her children and not have to compromise her family OR her passion for training. And speaking of her as a trainer…

Badass Business Owner

Badasses are huge risk-takers. They know that unless they’re willing to put faith in their awesomeness and make some scary leaps, they’ll never get the huge rewards, and instead will end up living humdrum mediocre lives. Unless you’ve been asleep for the last 900 or so words, you know that’s not how Christa rolls.

She started out as an Occupational Therapist, helping kids with varied issues and disabilities rehabilitate. When the bureaucracy of the job began to get in the way of her actually helping kids, Christa left. She worked in pharmaceutical sales next–a job that she hated, but it paid good money so she stuck it out for awhile. This is where she met her husband, Mike.

Christa was always training clients on the side, doing in-home boot camps on nights and weekends, driving all over hell and creation because her clients were so widely dispersed throughout Connecticut, New York and Massachusetts. That all changed when Liv was born, and she left her job in pharma for good.

In May 2009, Christa took a leap and started Tuff Girl Fitness with just 5 clients who met up in the park. Her plan was to grow the business over time, and eventually get her own studio once her kids were in school. You know what they say about the best laid plans…

What happened next was truly amazing, and I credit Christa’s passion, dedication, and hard work 100%. Her business exploded, pretty much all through word-of-mouth. When I started with her in May 2010, I’d say there were maybe 30-50 women attending classes regularly…I don’t know, maybe it was closer to 100 at that point? I’m not sure. (Stop badgering me about it! You know I’m not good with numbers!!!) She added a few more classes. They got more crowded as more and more women kept showing up at the park to work their asses off with Christa.

In early November 2010, with Liv not quite 2 years old and Christa just a few months pregnant with Lea, Bodyology Fitness Studio–home of Tuff Girl Fitness–opened.

I just want to make sure you caught that: Christa opened her own fitness home for a huge group of clients that she attracted with her passion and awesomeness, all while she had a toddler at home AND was pregnant with another baby. A. MAZ. ING.

fitness studio

Christa at the opening celebration for the studio

The cycle continued. More classes added, followed by a part time trainer, the also-awesome Karin Christley. Annnnnnd, more growth. Classes got fuller and fuller as the word continued to spread about the fitness family Christa had created.

Just before Lea was born in the spring of 2011, Christa and Mike took a SERIOUS leap, the one that completely awes and inspires me. Mike left his secure, very-well-paying, benefitted job in medical sales to come on board full time at Bodyology as well. (And Mike is pretty awesome, too…check it out:)

deadlift form

Mike, demonstrating good form on deadlifts

trainer TRX

Mike coaching a client on the TRX

Now, they had a family business that they were putting everything into. Is the idea of both earning spouses walking away from steady paychecks and benefits as terrifying to any of you as it is to me? Terrifying! REALLY!

But Christa’s doubts were few and far between. As she told me, she was never afraid of failure; that wasn’t even an option. She was afraid she wouldn’t be able to balance her passion for training and empowering women with her role as mom; she didn’t want her kids to lose out if her attention was divided. Her other fear was that, in trying to accommodate the overwhelming growth of the business, they would have to compromise the integrity of their program.

I’m here to tell you that her fear was completely baseless. She and Mike–and Karin, who came on full time in June to accommodate ever MORE growth–are all conscientious and relentless trainers, completely focused on driving each of us to give our best and nothing less in a safe and motivating environment. Just look at how badass they all are:

fitness trainers

I can only imagine how amazing it is for Christa to see what she has grown from her own hard work and passion, to know that she has not only taken huge risks for huge professional payoffs, but that she has also done it in such a way that doesn’t compromise her family or her integrity. Talk about inspiring.


What have been your biggest challenges along the way?

The challenge for me has always been finding time for myself and my family. The lines were becoming really blurred for awhile, so I had to work to set some clear boundaries between work and home life. For example, I won’t answer emails after 2pm on a Saturday. Saturday afternoon, and through the day Sunday is our time for our family. I want to be there 100% with my family, just like I’m there 100% with my classes, with my own training–with whatever I’m doing!–and setting those kinds of boundaries lets me do that.

What are your proudest moments?

“[As a Mom], my proudest moments were the birth of my two daughters, and having a natural and unmedicated birth for both of them. I am also extremely proud that I am raising respectful, kind, polite kids.

[As a trainer], I receive 3-4 emails a week from women thanking me for helping them, and these are all proud moments. Sometimes, it’s as simple as doing a box jump or a deadlift–an exercise they were afraid of–and my encouragement helped them do it. But it goes beyond that…I am so proud to empower women with fitness. I’ve had clients who have found the courage to leave abusive relationships because of the empowerment they felt during our workouts, and I am so proud and so honored to be a part of that moment when women conquer things they are afraid of and overcome their challenges.”

What advice would you give to all of us on a fitness (or other) journey into badassery?

“Hard work pays off. If you’re not willing to work, don’t expect to get it. The best things in life take time and patience. All of my accomplishments didn’t happen overnight; I saw every day as an opportunity for growth and used it to get to where I am. You’re stronger than you think you are, and you don’t know what you’re capable of until you put yourself out there and go after what you really want.”

With this long of a post, there’s really only one thing left to say: Christa Doran is a total BADASS, and I am so lucky to have been able to share her story with you.

Reflections on Perseverance.

I read a book a couple of years ago about this awesome woman who went from over 300lbs to being a seriously fit and trim marathon runner. It was a pretty inspirational read.

But once I finished it, a couple of things just didn’t ring true to me. I have no doubt that this woman wrote truthfully about her own experiences, but these things just didn’t jive with mine.

Here’s the first thing: She wrote about her “aha” moment, which was cool, and basically woke up the next morning and changed her life. Also cool. She adopted better eating habits and committed to doing some sort of physical activity 30 minutes a day, every single day, even if it meant walking her cul-de-sac at 10:30pm at night…which she says she did a number of times. I had a lot of respect for her commitment.

Then she went on to say things like, “It was so liberating knowing I never had to go back to my old lifestyle,” and “I never missed a day, no matter what it took.” (These are definitely not direct quotes; I am generalizing from a book I read 2 years ago. You know how committed I am to complete and utter accuracy.)

My deal is this: I believe her in fact, but I don’t believe her in my heart. I get what she was saying about her liberating new lifestyle, but it just sounded too easy. Like anyone could just wake up and DO IT (true) and never have a doubt or struggle with it (serious bullshit).

Maybe she did write about struggles, but I don’t remember. They weren’t highlighted enough in her book for them to have stuck with me.

And for me, it’s all about the struggle. I struggle with my journey every single day. Don’t get me wrong, most of the time I feel amazing about my fit lifestyle and choices, but just as often I want to eat whatever the hell I want and not have to work my ass off 5+ times a week. I don’t give in to that, but I do want it. A lot.

So how could this chick not miss the chocolate chip cookies that she wrote about baking almost daily before she changed her life? How could she make it sound like a total piece of cake? This is some hard shit to do, people!

I agree with her 100% that anyone can wake up, decide to change their life and DO IT. But…to do it, you have to work your ass off every single day, every single hour, every single minute. Especially when your journey might stretch into years…because that is a LOOOOOONG time to persevere. It’s worth it, but it is seriously friggin hard.

You mess up along the way, you hate the journey sometimes, you have your “screw it” moments, you really REALLY crave a big honkin piece of pepperoni pizza–or two or three or seven–and you might just kill your mother to get it some days (sorry, Mom). That’s the reality of my journey.

Strength and persistence

That’s one of my trainers, Christa Doran, the original Tuff Girl. She is pretty amazing, and is a true testament to the power of perseverance.

So look at the guns on my trainer Christa. And the quads, and the perfect form. She is such a badass, but she will say time and again that achieving this amazing body was not easy. She had to sacrifice again, and again, and again, and again, even when she didn’t want to.

For a full year, she ate clean and worked her ass off, and she’s still doing it to maintain this awesomeness. THAT’S what it takes, and she’s had her share of struggles along the way. But she kept going.

Perseverance pays off.

So back to the book: I mentioned this woman ultimately ran a marathon. But I’m not sure how, because one second she was walking on the treadmill or riding the recumbent bike for a half hour a day, and all of a sudden she said, “oh, and BTW, I ran a marathon, too!” There was like a huge middle piece missing there…and it was the piece I really, really wanted to hear about. THE HARDEST PIECE!

I trained for a sprint triathlon: swim 1/4 mile, bike 12, and run 3.1 miles. My time was god-awful (well over 2 hours) but my goal was to finish, and I did.

Training SUCKED. I hated nearly every minute of it. There were a few seconds of joy, sometimes when I was coasting down a hill on my bike with the wind flying at my face, but mostly, it sucked. I was a big fat girl in a dorky helmet on a bike. Or a big fat girl flopping around in a pool trying desperately to do that breathing thing without panicking. Or a big fat girl clomping around on a treadmill.

During my training, I was exhausted. And discouraged. And terrified. But I kept going. I started it, and I was determined to finish.

I had to drag my kids along most of the time because my husband was on a travel assignment during my 3 months of training. Sometimes they had to sit on the bench in the aquatic center while I swam laps. Sometimes they were sitting in the middle of the track with snacks and toys while I ran/walked laps, and they were not always well behaved (hellooooo, understatement). My son used to sit on the rock wall at the edge of our yard and read his book while I biked the .45 mile circuit that is our block about 20+ times. Once, I fell off my bike for no apparent reason near the corner of a major road, making a complete ass of myself as cars went by. I got back on.

That’s the stuff that I want to hear about, and that’s what I missed from this woman’s story. The nitty gritty. The details. The sweat and tears. The scraped knees and crying kids. The determination that moves you to grind your way past all those things and Just. Keep. Going.

So what are your struggles? Your nitty gritty details? And how do you push through them and persevere?

Remember: Many of the great achievements of the world were accomplished by tired and discouraged people who kept on working.

Keep fighting, peeps! It’s going to be worth it.

Quick Inspiration from My Close Personal Friend, Tina Fey

Tina Fey

Tina Fey is such a badass.

Okay, so we’re not actually close personal friends. More like acquaintances. Okay, not really even acquaintances. But I DID read her book and obsessively watch 30 Rock and all her SNL shows AND all her movies. So I feel like we’re almost friends. Well, we could be, because I think if she got to know me, she would really like me. And possibly even think I’m somewhat funny. And then maybe I could be like an assistant writer for her or something, and then we’d go get coffees together and laugh about…you know what? Just forget it.

My point is, I love the simplicity of this. We tend to overcomplicate our shit sometimes, don’t we? And the more we think about all our excuses–why we can’t work out, why we SHOULD eat that cookie, why we can’t possibly get out of bed for such an early class, why “just this one time” it won’t matter–the less we get done.

STOP THINKING SO MUCH, and just get it done. Nike got it right, people. Sometimes, you just have to do it, whether you want to or not. Even when it hurts. Even when you’re tired. Even when all the odds are stacked against you.

So, listen to the woman, bitches! (And dudes, too…) Get your stuff done.

This morning, I felt lousy. I heard that annoying voice in my head telling me it was too early, I was still getting over being sick, the workout probably wasn’t a good idea, I could take another day off, blah blah blah. I had to shut it down. I had to stop thinking and just put on my workout gear, stumble downstairs for my coffee and then GO.

So what stuff did you get done today? Tina Fey and I want to know.

Dear Me, Stop Eating Crap.


Oh look, it’s been like a month since my last post. Here’s the deal:

I. Am. An. Idiot.

There are no excuses. I was too busy to post for the first three weeks, and I was too ashamed to post last week. Because I’ve been eating like crap. One splurge led to another, then to another…until it was a complete free for all.

I stumbled at first, and then I pitched head long over the cliff. And now, I’m sick as a dog. Fever, chills, achy-ness all through my body, and it is 100% my fault.

A little more than midway through my eating spree this week, I started feeling lethargic and miserable. Tired, cranky, and so not awesome. I complained to my husband, who said, very simply and reasonably, “It’s your food, babe. We know that. It’s always the food.” I wanted to slap him, because I knew he was right. But let’s face it, I really wanted to slap myself.

Eating clean is hard. Eating clean forever is harder. Sometimes it feels really easy, but when there’s picnic after picnic, get togethers with friends, work-provided lunches and ice cream and cake, and everyone else is eating the good stuff, it gets easy to tell myself that it’s no big deal if I splurge (AGAIN. and AGAIN. and AGAIN.) And that’s just exactly what happened.

When I look back on the last week and what drove me to this most excruciating form of self-sabotage, I do realize that there was some stress with a few personal things happening, but nothing major. It came to this: I was 12 weeks in, feeling great, fitting into smaller clothes and realizing I could no longer wear other clothes that were ridiculously too big, BUT NO ONE WAS NOTICING!

I’ll tell you what people were noticing: my husband. Now, let me  give him his due. He looks AMAZING. He’s getting super jacked, and since he only had a few pounds of fat to lose before leaning up, it’s more immediately noticeable. Rationally, I understand this. I have far more fat to lose so it is not as obvious. I got fat, and he didn’t.

But on an emotional level, I feel like it is so much harder for me given my relationship with food, and so easy for him. And when I know that I’ve lost much more than him, but his victories are so much more obvious.

Whine, whine, whine. Why is the validation of others so important to me? Well, it just is. It’s a nice reward for hard work, but I should know better than to let that control my actions. But I did.

I got discouraged. I got angry. I turned into a big, fat, stupid baby and fell back into my old “screw it” mentality. Screw it! I’ll eat some nachos. Screw it! I’ll eat some cheese. And some more cheese. Screw it! Here come the chips. Screw it! Now it’s the cookies.

I told you I’m an idiot.

And here’s the funny thing: just as I did this, during my week of disgusting loathesomeness, I had two genuine compliments come in from friends I really respect. One friend, who came into a 6am workout class behind me said that she barely recognized me from behind. She said that I looked amazing and like a completely different person. The second came from another friend who pulled me aside after my workout and told me I looked great and that it was obvious my hard work was paying off.

I felt like such an ass. Let’s face it, I am an ass.

So here I am. I fell off, and now it’s time to get back on. I’m sick, I’m tired, I’m miserable and I’m hating myself, and it’s all because of crappy food.

How many times do I have to learn this lesson? How many times am I going to let stupid excuses and feelings get in my way? It is my fault I look like this, and no amount of rationalizations is going to change that. Even when it feels like everyone else is going to 10 parties a week, and eating whatever they want, I know I can’t get away with that. I feel like crap when I do–it actually makes my physiologically sick–and I know what it feels like to be eating clean and firing on all cylinders, and I love it.

Today, I move on. Today, I stop the vicious misery cycle I’ve been on for a week (loathe self, eat, loathe self more, eat more, loathe self to a disgusting level, eat to a disgusting level….you get it) and keep pushing forward.