So, first things first.
You all should know how much I love you. I try to thank you on a regular basis. I’m doing it again, today, right now. I was so completely bowled over by the comments and outreach–both public and private–that yesterday’s post inspired, and once again I am grateful for all of you wonderful people who buoy me up on a regular basis. You really are my lifeline on this sometimes miserable journey.
I do want to take a second to clear up one or two things, though.
First and foremost, I have no intention of quitting. Not even for a second did I consider it.
I may be tired…physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted on this journey. But there isn’t a chance in hell that I’m stopping. I’m. Not. Finished.
That doesn’t mean I’m not going to get frustrated. It doesn’t mean I won’t bitch or whine sometimes. It doesn’t mean every workout is going to be my best, and it doesn’t mean I won’t have moments when a caramel apple IS more important than my goals. Yeah, I said it. So what? It doesn’t mean I’ll quit, and in the long run, not letting a caramel apple (or two or three or seven) be the reason I give up is why I’m ultimately going to succeed.
I have no delusions that I will never have a treat. I have no delusions that I will look like a fitness model before Thanksgiving. And I have no delusions that I am special or different than anyone else–I know that I am only human and will flounder and struggle from time to time. I’ve been anorexic, bulimic, underweight, overweight, on the wagon, off the wagon, and under the wagon.
THIS IS DIFFERENT. It’s a lifestyle change, and my eyes are wide open as to the challenges I’ll face, and the commitments and sacrifices I’ll have to keep making. Over and over and over.
Sometimes, that sucks. Let’s face it, a lot of the time, that sucks. Yesterday, it sucked BIG TIME, and I had a little tantrum. I kicked and screamed about how unfair it was that I wasn’t losing faster, that I had to work SO hard for SO long and still see such excruciatingly incremental progress.
When I started this blog, I committed 100% to making it an honest account of my journey, the good, the bad, the ridiculous, the miserable, the uplifting, and the absurd. If I didn’t write what I did yesterday, I would have given up on the commitment I made to myself.
When I started this blog, I wasn’t sure if anyone would read or care. That wasn’t the point, although I hoped at least a few cool peeps (like you!) would. It was more for accountability to myself.
But a bunch of you awesome badasses–some friends near and dear and some folks I’ve never even met–actually are reading, so now I’m accountable to you, too. So you’re going to get the highest highs, the lowest lows, and all the mediocre in-betweeny stuff. It may not always be what you want to hear, and it more often will be stuff I wish I didn’t have to tell you (like about the Cheeto incident of Sunday afternoon…) but it will always be authentically what I feel at the moment I write it.
Allow me to quote my old pal Emerson, a famous dead guy that I think had some swell ideas, even if he was a little arrogant…
I will be genuine in every word on this blog, in the moment I write it. Even if the next day, I say something completely different.
Today, I feel much better about this journey, mostly thanks to you. I’m so grateful.